forgetfull

I don't think about writing here as much as I should. But there is a good reason. A reason that I haven't quite come to terms with.

Sugar rarely tempts me.

Okay, there was that blip as the weekend but I didn't actually eat anything sugary. But yesterday at the breastfeeding group I W's cutting cake for the mums and didn't even consider cutting any for myself. Not at any point did I wish that I could have had some.

Later on I saw a tv advert for Twix - a chocolate bar. As they drizzled the chocolate over the biscuit centre I tried to imagine the taste - as I have many times before without effort. I've drooled or of desire for that chocolate. But yesterday? I just couldn't achieve that reaction! It was like trying to imagine the taste of wood!

So now I have these feelings - kind of like I've lost a part of myself. Sugar has always been there. I love the extravagance of scones with jam and cream, cakes with slightly too much icing. A chocolate bar sneaked here and a packet of custard creams in front of a movie. These threebgs all seem lost to me now.

No one mentioned the grieving.